1. dont tell me, show me
2. excuses are not reasons
3. happiness is a choice
4. settling is never good enough
5. the one who knows the most is always listening
6. explanations are for problems
7. the higher expectations get the hard they let you fall
8. love is never same from both sides
9. its never to late to start
10.life is too short to make more than one person happy
11.smiles are warm
12.a forced kiss is a curse
13.true love is instant
14.anything that grows can die
15.perfection is relevant
16.never share your game book or trade secrets
17.everything is important, it just might not be to you
18.the world isnt smaller than it used to be, there is just less in it
19.childhood is the kingdom where no one dies
20.maturity and age dont know each other
21.people not believing in fairy tales will be the end of the world
22.you have to be lost to find your way
23.lessons learned come from failure
24.the people we choice to be around know us best
25.knowing what you want and being hard to please are not the same
I will add more as they pop in my little head..................and yes i honestly believe every one of these!
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
why cant i sleep?
its 3:47am....I cant sleep at all!!
I have been to every barrel racing and barrel racer's website I know just trying to make myself tired.
I want to sleep...Im just not tired.
How long do Rockstars last? I drank a huge one one the way to OK earlier, but that was at 2 or 3 pm.
Oh yeah I found a new house in Wynnewood, Ok. 2 houses...3 loafing sheds...40 acres....huge show barn with 7 stalls, 4 stall shed row, walker, big area in the back which i might put a rd pen in the barn, etc, etc. Will more than likely be under contract, sold or hit my a comet before Sat or Monday when I plan on taking blw back up there. Yes I have already been to see it. Andi and i went today. Its awesome.
And I drowned my phone in the toilet. Damn It. Maybe blw will buy me an IPhone. He of course will assume the blackberry's drowning was premeditated.
I have been to every barrel racing and barrel racer's website I know just trying to make myself tired.
I want to sleep...Im just not tired.
How long do Rockstars last? I drank a huge one one the way to OK earlier, but that was at 2 or 3 pm.
Oh yeah I found a new house in Wynnewood, Ok. 2 houses...3 loafing sheds...40 acres....huge show barn with 7 stalls, 4 stall shed row, walker, big area in the back which i might put a rd pen in the barn, etc, etc. Will more than likely be under contract, sold or hit my a comet before Sat or Monday when I plan on taking blw back up there. Yes I have already been to see it. Andi and i went today. Its awesome.
And I drowned my phone in the toilet. Damn It. Maybe blw will buy me an IPhone. He of course will assume the blackberry's drowning was premeditated.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
House in Seymour, Texas
I am in love with a place in Seymour, Texas...
4o acres, but you get to used 20 more, so really like 60
4 stalls
20 by 16 tack room
4 horse hot walker
125 round pen
100 by 100 cutting pen
bunches of holding pens but the hunter/jumper in me wants to to call them paddocks
little storage building with 2 stalls on it but i decided blw can have that for the fire station, nice of me, i know
a cute little 3 bedroom house
only 1 bath but i figure by the time it matters we will have added on or built a new one
oh, the best part a covered pen 100 by 180
I went and looked at it last week. I thought I would get up there and not like it. I was wrong I love it. Except the carpet and the blue tub. The house is really cute but needs the jill touch. Then drove to where my husband works so I would know how far it was. The drive took 2 and half hours; he would have to make it every 3 days. We are going to look at it tomorrow. I am super excited.
Ill let you know tomorrow what blw thinks......................
4o acres, but you get to used 20 more, so really like 60
4 stalls
20 by 16 tack room
4 horse hot walker
125 round pen
100 by 100 cutting pen
bunches of holding pens but the hunter/jumper in me wants to to call them paddocks
little storage building with 2 stalls on it but i decided blw can have that for the fire station, nice of me, i know
a cute little 3 bedroom house
only 1 bath but i figure by the time it matters we will have added on or built a new one
oh, the best part a covered pen 100 by 180
I went and looked at it last week. I thought I would get up there and not like it. I was wrong I love it. Except the carpet and the blue tub. The house is really cute but needs the jill touch. Then drove to where my husband works so I would know how far it was. The drive took 2 and half hours; he would have to make it every 3 days. We are going to look at it tomorrow. I am super excited.
Ill let you know tomorrow what blw thinks......................
Friday, November 28, 2008
Boston is the best cat!!
BLW and i have an on going debate to which cat is the best. Because we have 5 inside cats and 1 outside cat the debate will likely be going on awhile...
I always side with Boston the long haired white cat with the awesome blue eyes. He purrs no matter how you hold him. He is the only cat we have that comes when you call him. He is the boss cat. He is always starting fights with the other cats. And tonight he caught a mouse. I got out the bath, walked into our room and over in the corner ( that you usually cant see but we have nothing in our house right now because of the fire) is Boston playing with a mouse. Blw wouldnt help me get the mouse. So i tried to get boston to put it in the trash can i was holding, with no luck, all the while blw is laughing his butt off. blw finally put boston outside to finish playing with the mouse and hopefully kill it.
Brandon likes hugs the best because she stays to herself. He likes spook second she is the same way. Then dc and kisses. then boston. Cat of course is his favorite but even cat haters love Cat. I call him Samson.
I like boston, then dc, kisses, spook and last and least hugs. Cat/samson is in a class of his own with me. Hugs is a snobby bitch and she wont let me pet her. I should have left her ass in the vet clinic.
Yes it is 5 now inside. On Nov 1 a black, bright orange and white cat showed up. I name her Spook. She is a super sweet but has some issues from being a stray. She was getting in the trash at all hours of the day, then just at night and not at all lately. She was guarding the food which is always full all the time but that has stopped. Guess she has started to trusted that there will always be food at the top of the cat tree.
I always side with Boston the long haired white cat with the awesome blue eyes. He purrs no matter how you hold him. He is the only cat we have that comes when you call him. He is the boss cat. He is always starting fights with the other cats. And tonight he caught a mouse. I got out the bath, walked into our room and over in the corner ( that you usually cant see but we have nothing in our house right now because of the fire) is Boston playing with a mouse. Blw wouldnt help me get the mouse. So i tried to get boston to put it in the trash can i was holding, with no luck, all the while blw is laughing his butt off. blw finally put boston outside to finish playing with the mouse and hopefully kill it.
Brandon likes hugs the best because she stays to herself. He likes spook second she is the same way. Then dc and kisses. then boston. Cat of course is his favorite but even cat haters love Cat. I call him Samson.
I like boston, then dc, kisses, spook and last and least hugs. Cat/samson is in a class of his own with me. Hugs is a snobby bitch and she wont let me pet her. I should have left her ass in the vet clinic.
Yes it is 5 now inside. On Nov 1 a black, bright orange and white cat showed up. I name her Spook. She is a super sweet but has some issues from being a stray. She was getting in the trash at all hours of the day, then just at night and not at all lately. She was guarding the food which is always full all the time but that has stopped. Guess she has started to trusted that there will always be food at the top of the cat tree.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Very Shity Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday...I felt like a complete loser after the barrel race on Sat. Beau turn back over his self on the 2nd for a big NT. And, the ground was so bad that I loped Poncho thru, so he would not fall down. Oh and my husband work a over time this day too. I am restless when he is not around. My mind is foggy in is absence.
Monday...I don't really remember
Tuesday...I spent like a gazillion dollars!! I bought x-mas presents $600 at mooremaker and $400 at mary kay with Debbie. I paid off the vet about $2000. I bought another horse only $450.
Wednesday...Me and Blw ran over Bloomer bruising a lung and hurting him on the inside but nothing broken. He stayed the night at the vet. I spend $500 getting the rest of our animals fixed. I had a really hard time not being mad at everyone, which is like I always am before I start and I think my life sucks and I am really sad. Anyway, its always like that but I am learning to deal with it.
Thursday...Me and Brandon got into a huge fight over nothing. Fighting with him always sucks because we do it so rarely. Then at Collinsville I hit the second barrel on both my horses.
Friday...I get up with plans on during lots of errands. I drive to Paradise where I buy my supplements and blw car is out of gas. I pull into the gas station only to find out our account is over drawn. In short I had no money to get gas, so I try to drive home. Running out of gas a few miles from home. So now Im broke and stranded.
Saturday...I started my period so i was dying from my cramps till my pain pills kicked in. I then got up and fed my horses. blw mom brought her grand kids over to my petting zoo. They went home and I decided for lunch, I would cook some fries. I put the oil in the pan. Then went to the bathroom to turn my straighter on so I could fix my hair to go see Brandon, since he was working overtime again. I got distracted with my new hair extensions. I finally remember lunch and when I walk out of my bed room I see flames shooting out around the kitchen wall. I called the fire dept. I then open the front door so all the kids(animals) could go outside and rolled the ferret cage out side. I was looking for a fire extinguisher while calling blw. He reminded me that I should use DUH the water hose outside the back door. I put the fire out then soaked the the wood so it wouldn't catch anything else on fire. The fire dept finally got there and checked everything out. They all gave me shit because blw teaches classes all over the country and is a captain and I set the house on fire.
Hopefully the stars are better aligned for rest of the year. I have a little over an hour to go and this week will be over. FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday...I don't really remember
Tuesday...I spent like a gazillion dollars!! I bought x-mas presents $600 at mooremaker and $400 at mary kay with Debbie. I paid off the vet about $2000. I bought another horse only $450.
Wednesday...Me and Blw ran over Bloomer bruising a lung and hurting him on the inside but nothing broken. He stayed the night at the vet. I spend $500 getting the rest of our animals fixed. I had a really hard time not being mad at everyone, which is like I always am before I start and I think my life sucks and I am really sad. Anyway, its always like that but I am learning to deal with it.
Thursday...Me and Brandon got into a huge fight over nothing. Fighting with him always sucks because we do it so rarely. Then at Collinsville I hit the second barrel on both my horses.
Friday...I get up with plans on during lots of errands. I drive to Paradise where I buy my supplements and blw car is out of gas. I pull into the gas station only to find out our account is over drawn. In short I had no money to get gas, so I try to drive home. Running out of gas a few miles from home. So now Im broke and stranded.
Saturday...I started my period so i was dying from my cramps till my pain pills kicked in. I then got up and fed my horses. blw mom brought her grand kids over to my petting zoo. They went home and I decided for lunch, I would cook some fries. I put the oil in the pan. Then went to the bathroom to turn my straighter on so I could fix my hair to go see Brandon, since he was working overtime again. I got distracted with my new hair extensions. I finally remember lunch and when I walk out of my bed room I see flames shooting out around the kitchen wall. I called the fire dept. I then open the front door so all the kids(animals) could go outside and rolled the ferret cage out side. I was looking for a fire extinguisher while calling blw. He reminded me that I should use DUH the water hose outside the back door. I put the fire out then soaked the the wood so it wouldn't catch anything else on fire. The fire dept finally got there and checked everything out. They all gave me shit because blw teaches classes all over the country and is a captain and I set the house on fire.
Hopefully the stars are better aligned for rest of the year. I have a little over an hour to go and this week will be over. FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, November 14, 2008
Paris is retired to the broodmare pasture
I ran Paris a Collinsville, Zaal Ranch. She had a smoking first barrel. I got her pasted the second and she tried to run to the alley, again. This problem is totally mental. She does it no matter what on the second barrel. You can run her left or right and she blows back to the alley leaving the second. I have seen horses do this before...They run good a few times, then blow off the second. I think this has little to do with soundness. I'm done. Brandon says he is done wasting money on her. She mentally wears me out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What do you do with horses like her? I might have a friend who will rope off her. I might still start her over fences, but I don't know if her front legs will hold up. Plus, Im really busy with all my barrel horses. She is sound, and who cares if she isn't she should at least try. I'm just tired of being embarrassed. I have never had a horse like her. I love her personality; she is super sweet and funny. Both, things she was not when I bought her, she was a drag. Maybe she doesn't want to be a barrel horse. So, anyway she is "just" a broodmare, now. I will be breeding her to Versace(Dapper Dan Man) in 2009. I think they will have a super pretty, well built, talented baby.
We will be breeding all our mares to Versace next year. Gucci, Doodles, Ruby and Paris.......I already have names picked out. Gucci...IPH FASHION LABEL, Paris...IPH ANGELOUS, Doodles...IPH CHARMING MAN or IPH RICH N CHARMING, Ruby...IPH DARLING MAN or IPH DANS GIRL. No barn names yet....Coming soon.
We will be breeding all our mares to Versace next year. Gucci, Doodles, Ruby and Paris.......I already have names picked out. Gucci...IPH FASHION LABEL, Paris...IPH ANGELOUS, Doodles...IPH CHARMING MAN or IPH RICH N CHARMING, Ruby...IPH DARLING MAN or IPH DANS GIRL. No barn names yet....Coming soon.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
11-12-08
I started riding Paris again last week, ran her at Zaal Ranch in Collensville...she had a super great first barrel, I didnt ride her pasted the 2nd barely hitting it, great 3rd.
Poncho is turning into quite the superstar...winning the 4d in his 3rd race, at Zaal Ranch. Would have won the 4d at Hopper's on his 4th time entered, but it was 1/2, 1/2, 1 splits (stupid). We had a nice run going his 5th run till I confused the poor old man going to the third, oh well shit happens right. We ran his 6th & 7th entries at Belton, our first run was okay a 16.2 2 seconds off. The second run was smoking he clocked a 15.328. I am really proud him, at 20 and been on the barrels about 4 months.
Beau is still psycho. He is running okay but not running. He drifts going to the third, working on that.
Torch comes home tomorrow, yay!!! We had 30 days put on him by the guy who broke Roanie.
Coco will start her 30 days tomorrow. She is the filly we got from Zach and Jennifer.
Armani is taking being weaned like a little pro. He is super attached to Poncho.
Braska is halter broke pretty much. I can tie her up. She leads okay, in her pen. She is really strong and can get away from me if she wants to.
Poncho is turning into quite the superstar...winning the 4d in his 3rd race, at Zaal Ranch. Would have won the 4d at Hopper's on his 4th time entered, but it was 1/2, 1/2, 1 splits (stupid). We had a nice run going his 5th run till I confused the poor old man going to the third, oh well shit happens right. We ran his 6th & 7th entries at Belton, our first run was okay a 16.2 2 seconds off. The second run was smoking he clocked a 15.328. I am really proud him, at 20 and been on the barrels about 4 months.
Beau is still psycho. He is running okay but not running. He drifts going to the third, working on that.
Torch comes home tomorrow, yay!!! We had 30 days put on him by the guy who broke Roanie.
Coco will start her 30 days tomorrow. She is the filly we got from Zach and Jennifer.
Armani is taking being weaned like a little pro. He is super attached to Poncho.
Braska is halter broke pretty much. I can tie her up. She leads okay, in her pen. She is really strong and can get away from me if she wants to.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Update....
So Versace changed his tune after our come to jesus meeting!!!!!! He worked really good the next day at the barrel race......last time I rode him.
I am a the USTRC finals in OKC working for the USTRC/Classic its already a drag and I have only been here for two days...and I have 11 to go.................more to come.
I am a the USTRC finals in OKC working for the USTRC/Classic its already a drag and I have only been here for two days...and I have 11 to go.................more to come.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Im really sorry!!!
So I have noticed lately that every time I talk to and am around a certain friend I am very bitter and mad. I didn't know why but now I think I do.................
She moved. At first I think I was ok with it because there was the chance she would move back and what ever so on. While visiting I think sub consciencely I realized she was actually there and not just visiting. While I still don't think she is quite ready for what lies ahead, I know she is happy. Don't get me wrong I want her happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just want her here not in South Dakota. And I'm mad and a spoiled brat and not used to not getting my way. I miss Robin and Ashlee but its not the same.
So JZ I'm sorry. I'm okay now.
And just so everyone know Versace is an asshole!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I might kill him before i get him trained. I also said this about Paris, Roanie, Popi, Razor, Glass and many more. Ass hat truly an ass hat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
.............................and will some one please tell me how to use this damn website, this one not some other one jen is enough but i want a longer friends list................................
She moved. At first I think I was ok with it because there was the chance she would move back and what ever so on. While visiting I think sub consciencely I realized she was actually there and not just visiting. While I still don't think she is quite ready for what lies ahead, I know she is happy. Don't get me wrong I want her happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just want her here not in South Dakota. And I'm mad and a spoiled brat and not used to not getting my way. I miss Robin and Ashlee but its not the same.
So JZ I'm sorry. I'm okay now.
And just so everyone know Versace is an asshole!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I might kill him before i get him trained. I also said this about Paris, Roanie, Popi, Razor, Glass and many more. Ass hat truly an ass hat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
.............................and will some one please tell me how to use this damn website, this one not some other one jen is enough but i want a longer friends list................................
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Little Angel...
I read this on BHW
“I PUT HER ON THE HORSE THAT KILLED HER” Brianna’s Story A diary of her daughter by Vinecia L. Walker Born an Angel On May 31, 2001 I gave birth to our first child, a little girl, Brianna Lynn. 10 toes, check, 10 fingers, check, and the doctor said she’s healthy. Our own ‘little angel’ THANK YOU GOD! We were so proud of her. At 5 days old we put her on her first horse. At Christmas she started crawling to the dog, Rooster, our red healer. For the next year and a half her love for the horses and the other animals grew to match my love for them. She’s now riding by herself with us leading the horse. She thinks she’s big stuff! She went everywhere with us. Bradley and I agreed that we didn’t have her for someone else to take care of. “If we cant go and keep up with her ourselves, then we won"t go. ” So she experienced everything we did, team roping, barrel racing, softball, and going to the lake to camp. As soon as she was old enough to understand that “sit still and don’t talk” was important when you’re hunting, her and daddy were off to the woods to scout for deer. Then spring rolled around and it’s turkey hunting time. SHE LOVED IT!! Her and dad watched hunting shows all the time on TV. She’s 3 years old and walks around with a hand-held turkey call - practicing. In fact, she can hoot like an owl without using a call. Thanks dad. As if listening to one of you all the time wasn’t bad enough, now I have two of you “gobblin’ & hootin‘” around the house. But one was not enough Brianna has been begging for a baby brother or a baby sister. “I’ll be a good big sister and help you change diapers and feed it for you” she said. Christmas morning 2004 we told her, “you’re going to be a big sister” and she was so excited. I asked her if she wanted a little brother or a little sister? “I want 5 baby brothers and 5 baby sisters. ” My reply was, “you’re crazy!!” Brianna and I both laughed. New Years came and went, and on that Monday I lost the baby. We told Brianna that it went to live with Jesus. She seemed to understand and didn’t ask very many questions. We were heart- broken but thanked God that we had Brianna. If she is all we every get to have, that’s ok. That’s more than some couples get. Brianna discovers barrel racing Now Brianna is riding all by herself on a 19 year old gelding named “Slug” that Bradley raised. I started teaching her and Slug the barrel racing pattern. It didn’t take but a few trips to the practice pen for them to get it down pat. We soon joined the Missouri Family Rodeo Association so we could, as a family, rodeo together. It’s rodeo day and she is so excited she can’t hardly wait. We get to the arena and she tells everyone that she is going to barrel race “all by myself. Cause I’m big now.” It’s finally her turn and I lead her in the arena while dad video tapes. I face Slug toward the barrels and away they went. My chest was about to explode with pride. By the time they reached the first barrel I was in tears. I’ve waited three and a half years for my baby to get to do something that I love doing. I’ve never been more proud of anything in all my life! I cried the entire one and half minutes it took her to walk the pattern. As she rounded the third barrel she kicked him into a trot and the audience cheered and clapped. Walking back out the gate you would have thought she just won the world. Dad and I couldn’t have been more proud if she had. Every parent leads their kids This routine continued for several rodeos. Now she has started pole bending on her pony also. It’s time to pick up the pace and start trotting the whole pattern. So to build up her confidence dad and I took turns. We, on foot, would take off running around the barrels while Brianna and Slug chased us at a trot. She got to doing great at practice, even if she wasn’t following us, but typically would brake the pattern at the rodeos. She now has the crowd wrapped around her little finger and it’s sometimes more fun to go to the fence and giggle with them. She’s such a ham! But, that’s “OK” I’d tell myself, “she’s not even 4 yet, there’s plenty of time for being serious, let her have fun while she’s little. ” And when she got back to the gate I’d tell her “good job, I’m proud of you” and gave her a high fives. Now she wants to start goat tying. I told her she wasn’t big enough, “you’ll have to grow some. ” Her reply was “I did grow!” I told her when she could get off of her horse by herself she could do it. And the practice started. She is a determined little girl. I might ad, she weighs 34 pounds and stands only 39 inches tall. Slug on the other hand weighs 1100 pounds and is over 15 hands tall. But she refuses to use the pony. Our Angel - is an Angel It is quite entertaining to watch as she dangles off his side cause she doesn’t want to let go, but yells “no, no, I do it myself” when you try to help. This continues as she has now decided that she wants to carry the American Flag in the grand entry. When she and I went to the practice pen we had to use her flag as though we were the line judges flagging each others time. She is so much fun and everyday is a new experience for her and for us. She is such a good kid, we could snap our fingers or just give her “the look” if she did something she wasn’t suppose to and she’d quit. She has never thrown a fit in public or embarrassed us by her behavior. She says “please” and “thank you” and we get a lot of compliments on her. Don’t get me wrong, she is still a kid, and she will try us occasionally. My mom always told us kids that “you can be typical kid at home, but, when we go out in public you better be good.” Brianna is a very special little girl, or maybe I’m just partial. A little girl bonds with her best friend For the next few months we rodeo'd a lot, Bradley took her fishing every Saturday morning and we spent a lot of time with the rest of our family. Brianna and Rooster are now inseparable. When we get home he runs to the truck to meet her. And every evening she gets him down, sits on him, and sorts through his hair like a little monkey picking any ticks she might find. I never said she was a normal child. She also gets a kick out of trying to ride him. One afternoon after riding, we had Slug and a young filly tied up to the trailer. They got crossed up and Slug caved in the fender before we could get them untied. It was our fault, but still, we were mad at him. Oh, we wanted to whip him, but Brianna stood there with tears rolling down her face saying “don’t you hurt my horse, I love him & he loves me!!!” So we tied him to the tree by the barn away from the filly. Baseball & BB Guns It’s T-Ball season now and she wants to play. Practice is hilarious to watch! We never pushed her to do any of the activities she does. She wants to do everything! We just help her practice whatever it is she is wanting to do. Yes, she is spoiled!! But as long as she appreciates the things we do for her and continues to behave, we’ll keep spoiling her. May 31 is growing near, birthday #4. We bought her a swing set, then she tells us she wants a BB gun so she can learn to shoot. She wants to kill her own deer and turkey. “HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY GIRL!” we celebrate her birthday each year at the lake on Memorial weekend with the whole family. The next weekend we sold her pony, Amber. We had bought Amber for her third birthday. She doesn’t ride her very often any more cause she chooses Slug. When they left the house with the pony Brianna cried and reminded me that “she was my birthday present and now that you got rid of her I don’t have a present for that birthday!” Did I mention that she was too stinking smart. So, dad’s going shopping for a BB gun this week so she has a present for that birthday. Tuesday morning, rise and shine, the sun is up and it’s a beautiful day. We got ready and off to daycare we went. Only,this morning Brianna didn’t want to stay and play outside in the sprinklers with her friends. “I want to go with you mama” she said. Normally I only let her go with me to work on Fridays because I don’t have any paper work to do then. She likes her teachers and usually don’t have any problem getting her to stay unless she doesn’t feel good and she felt fine this morning. But for some reason I didn’t make her stay. We got in the truck and headed out to the first farm of the day. We laughed and talked and enjoyed spending the day together. We finished up the days work and headed home. All the way home she kept reminding me that she wanted to ride Slug and practice. Saddling up for another days ride When dad got home we all saddled up. Brianna and I went to the pasture to practice switching hands when she makes a turn. Slug started acting up when dad rode by on his way to bottom hay field where he was going to ride at. I got a little scared because Slug has never acted like that. So I took Brianna off of him and put her on my horse and I walked beside her leading Slug. We went back to the house but she didn’t want to stop riding. “I want to go to the arena and practice” she asked. “No, lets put ‘em up for today and we’ll ride again tomorrow. ” “But I really want to practice, please” she begged. “Ok, we’ll go.” I gave in. The arena is at the neighbors house a half mile down the dirt road. We had made this trip many times. Once Slugs ‘buddy’ was out of sight he settled down and I asked Brianna if she wanted to ride Slug or my horse. She said “Slug’s acting stupid. ” I told her “he is fine now. If you want to ride him you can. Which one do you want to ride?” “Slug” was her answer. So I put her back on him. We got half way to the arena and I got a really funny feeling in my gut. “I don’t want to go the arena” I thought to myself. So, I told her that I needed to go back to the house to use the bathroom. I lied. I’d never lied to her before, but this feeling in my gut, something wasn’t right. Slug spooks and rears up She said ok and we headed back to the house. About 40 yards before we got home we met back up with the cat which typically follows us when we ride so it wasn’t an unusual situation. But this time, and only God knows why, Slug spooked. I saw him bow his neck looking at the cat standing just inside the fence line by a tree. I thought “he never spooks from anything. ” Again I got scared, this is not normal behavior for him, and I stepped down off my horse to take her off of him. I wasn’t fast enough. Just as my feet hit the ground Slug reared up and fell over backwards landing on our Baby Girl! After he rolled off of her I thought “she’s ok, she looks fine, she’s just knocked out.” As I bent over to pick her up the blood started flowing out of her nose and mouth. “Oh God, no, no, please God!” I screamed for help as loud as I could. “Please, somebody hear me.” I carried her the rest of the way to house, screaming for help, and running as fast as I could. Bradley was to far from the house to hear me and our closest neighbor is a half mile away. I got to the house and called 911, I knew there was no way she could survive that much force on her little body, but I can’t give up. With 911 on the house phone I carried her back outside so I could get signal on my cell phone. I put the cell phone on speaker and tried to call someone from the family to help me. I knew they could get here faster than the ambulance and I need help now! But they couldn‘t understand me. “Is she breathing?” the operator asked. “No!” I replied. “Does she have a pulse?” “Yes” “You have to breathe for her, can you do that?” “Yes. ” And he walked me through step by step. “That breath was too big, she’s just a baby. Use smaller breaths. ” He could tell by listening to me if I was doing it right or not. Again he asked me “does she still have a pulse?” “Oh God, just barely. It’s really weak. ” “It stopped! I can’t feel it beating!!” Calmly he asked me “do you know CPR?” “I took lessons years ago but I’ve never used it” “You’re going to have to do chest compressions, do you remember how?” “Yes, I think so.” I started full CPR on her. And again, he walked me through each step. Now I can hear the sirens coming. I continued working on Brianna and listening to the sirens for what felt like forever. “They’ve missed the turn. I’ve heard ’em to long they should’ve been here by now. They had to have missed it!!” I franticly told the operator. Help finally arrives Finally! The first vehicle pulled in the driveway. It was a first responder from the fire department. I was so relieved to see someone that might be able to save her. When he took over the CPR I hung up the phone and told him I had to find Bradley. The horses were loose in the yard so I grabbed my barrel horse and took off running as hard as he could run. Bradley was on his way back to the house when we met up. I had blood all over my clothes, hands and face and all I could say was “It’s Brianna!!!” We then turned and ran back to the house as fast as the horses legs could take us. By now there was several people working on Brianna. All of my family lives several hours away and I want them here, now. I’m going to need them all no matter what this outcome is. I called my sister in Arkansas and told her to go get mom and get here, they are the closest ones. Then I called my sister in Mississippi. She and I had become very close since Brianna’s birth and the two shared the same birthday. Bradley’s dad, uncle and grandpa were here now and his mom came shortly later. “I’ll call my brother from the hospital” I thought as the ambulance pulled up. They worked on her for a long time before I heard the helicopter land in the field right in front of the house. They kept on working on her. When I asked “why aren’t they loading her” I was told “she was being prepped.” Once they loaded her we got in the truck and all headed for the hospital. This is normally a 30-40 minute drive. It felt like hours. All the way I begged God to show me a miracle. “You’ve showed me you can take her life, please God, show me you can give it back. ” “If you have to have someone I’ll take her place. Please God, don’t take her!” I begged, pleaded and prayed all the way to the hospital. Arriving at the hospital When we got in the emergency room they took us into a counseling room. They told us that the surgeon would be in to talk to us in a minute. I thought to myself “he better not stop working on our baby to come talk to us. ” The next thing he said was that when she arrived at the hospital she was trying to breath on her own. “I did it! I kept her alive!!!” I thought. “But her injuries were so severe that her heart couldn’t keep up. She died a few minutes ago. I’m sorry. ” The next thing I heard in my head was Brianna saying, “Don’t you hurt my horse, I love him and he loves me.” I turned to Bradley and made him promise not to shoot Slug. We gave God a child in January, why is he taking Brianna too, she’s all we have. I don’t understand and I’m mad as hell, if I could get my hands on him, I’d choke him! We spent the next couple hours holding the body of our Baby Girl and sang songs to her that we usually sing together. I know we’re not suppose to question Gods will and only he knows what was in her future, but I want to know why? I want to know why he is taking her from friends and family that love her more than anything in the world, but leaves a child who is abused, unloved, unwanted, and left hungry. Not that I think they should’ve died instead, but for them it would be a relief from a horrible life. The nurses came back in and asked “would you like hand and foot prints done and a lock of her hair for a keep sake?” “Yes, please. ” Bradley tried to clean up my face before we went back out. Leaving her lay there on that bed and walking away was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. When we left that room, the council room and the lobby was full of friends and family. How did some of them find out so fast? Everybody knew that she was dead, but the looks on their faces said that they weren’t expecting to see me covered in her blood. We got home about 12 o’clock and Bradley’s boss and a co-worker were waiting in the drive way. Just at that moment I remembered, there was a big puddle of blood in the kitchen where I stood holding her while I dialed 911. I dreaded going in and having to step over it to get in. But when I opened the door it was gone, everything was cleaned up. Later I found out that the neighbor had cleaned it up and took care of the horses that were running loose. Life barely moves on “I’m having a bad nightmare and when I wake up in the morning she’ll be in her bed just like usual.” I slept for a couple of hours but when the sun came up our beautiful blue eyed, blonde haired, loving, sassy little girl was still gone. She’s our world, how does this world keep turning without her? I’m in shock and don’t know how life goes on when our lives revolved around her. As a mom, of course I think that my baby is special, all moms do. But for the next few days I watched big burly men that show no emotions for anything, melt like butter and cry uncontrollably right along with the women. Rooster runs with excitement to every vehicle that pulls in the driveway. But when Brianna didn’t get out of it, he moped back over and laid down at our feet. And Slug? For two weeks strait every time Bradley or I went outside he would be standing at the yard fence looking at the house, not eating grass with the other horses, just standing, staring, like he knew what he’d done. Brianna’s smile and uplifting personality made her special. There were times that the cars were parked a quarter of a mile up the road, people bringing food and their prayers. Thursday night was visitation Thursday night was visitation. After a private viewing with family only, we closed her casket. I don’t want people to see her just laying there, not laughing. She was always laughing and cutting up and that is what I want their last image to be. Poster boards of pictures lined the entry room of the funeral home. For the next few hours people came in in a steady line. The funeral home director estimated 1300-1500 people. He said he saw several go in without signing the book. “I’m not just partial. My baby is special!” Not just to her family but to everyone that met her. My brother and I sat up most of the night talking. He told me “Brianna always acted and talked older than her age. “I can’t help but think that she was an angel that escaped from heaven just so she could bless our lives, and God needed her back. ” The funeral The funeral showed another big crowd and the kids in the 9 and under age group from the rodeo association brought balloons for a balloon release. I asked Bradley that night as we sat up talking “why aren’t you mad at me?” “Why would I be?” he asked back. Crying I said “because I wasn’t fast enough! I could see it happening but I couldn’t get to her to get her off!!” (I even had a lead rope on him but lost my hold) He hugged me and said “I’ve watched you take care of her for four years, I know you did everything you could. ” “But I know if it had been you with her, I’d hate you for it,even though I’d know you did all you could” I explained. He then said in a crackly voice “I know - that’s why God knew it had to be you with her when it happened. So you wouldn’t blame anyone else. ” It's now been 5 months since the accident It’s been 5 months tonight since the accident and the simplest daily tasks are difficult to do. Getting out of bed, going to work, balancing the check book, paying the bills and even remembering what it was I was fixing to do, have all become a chore. Through the day we somewhat function, but bedtime is my hardest time of day. For four years and one week we said our prayers together and never went to sleep without hugs and kisses. Brianna had never spent the night away from me. We made a heart shaped rock flower bed out of the plants and flowers from the funeral so I spend a lot of time setting out there talking to her and saying our nightly prayers. I want to feel her arms squeezed around my neck and her soft little lips as she kisses me saying “love you bunches.” And “sweet dreams, don’t let the bed bugs bite you.” I miss hearing her giggle as she says “race ya!” when were walking through the yard. I put her back on the horse that killed her. He always took care of her. He has never ever spooked before. All the “what ifs” and “whys” still run through my head, along with the horrifying images that I still see. I can’t see blood without seeing her bloody face again and getting sick at my stomach. I have always had a stomach of steel and now I can’t even watch TV without getting queasy. I know that I have to learn to deal with that, but I don’t know how. I’ve read several books on loosing a child to accidents and illness, but not one of them has the story of a parent seeing the accident happen and not being able to stop it. I wish I was the only parent that has lived this nightmare, but I’m sure I’m not. Everyday out of the blue those images will pop up and I see it happen all over again. Every night I ask “If you’re gonna leaves us here God, please give us the strength to make it through tomorrow,” and every morning I have to force myself to get up and leave the house. God has a plan for us God has a plan for each one of us, something he needs us to do. Brianna did hers in 4 very short years. The preacher that had married Bradley and I told us one night while we showed him the flower bed, that Brianna had touched more lives in 4 years than he had in 25 years of preaching. I don’t know what God’s plan is for me, but I wont accomplish it by laying around feeling sorry for myself. The sooner I do whatever it is he needs me to do, the sooner I can go hold my Baby Girl again. So, I have work to do and from the words of George Strait’s new song I’ll see you on the other side, which was played at her funeral, “It might be a long hard ride, but I’ll take it.” I wont like the ride without Brianna, but we have to take it. People have asked if we’ll have any more kids and if we do, will we put them on a horse. Once we learn how to manage the stress and the uncontrollable emotions, we will. Some people have asked “why was a 4 year old even on a horse?” To those people I ask “why do you put your children in a car, or on a 4-wheeler, an airplane, on a skateboard, or even a bicycle so they can ride out in front of a car?” A friend of the family told me that night at the hospital “we are horse people. We put our baby’s on horses everyday, and we’ll do it again tomorrow, because that is what we do.” I know, in my head, that what happened to Brianna was a freak accident and happened the way God meant it to, but my heart argues with my head and I still get very angry with God and myself. I know if it had been anybody else with her instead of me, that I would hate them for not taking care of her. I question myself bad enough. God felt she had met her goals and it was her time to go. Why else did I let her go to work with me that day and why the funny feeling in my gut on the way to the arena? I’m not saying that God planned it, but he knew it was gonna happen. God knew that I needed that last day with her and that we needed to be closer to home when it happened. Although the pain is still very fresh, it gives me comfort knowing that she is in heaven and will never have to experience pain or unhappiness. She’s not only our ‘little Angel’ she is a real angel that is watching over all of us. So tonight when you put your kids to bed ask yourself “am I proud of the life that I’ve given my kids and have I made enough memories with them to carry me through this world if tomorrow doesn’t come for them?” Your kids need those memories too, if something happens to you. I can’t imagine going through this and having to answer that question any other way but “Yes I am proud, and THANK GOD WE TOOK THE TIME TO MAKE MEMORIES!!!!” “We miss you deeply, and we love you ‘Baby Girl’. ” BRIANNA LYNN WALKER May 31, 2001 - June 7, 2005 “Our little Angel”
“I PUT HER ON THE HORSE THAT KILLED HER” Brianna’s Story A diary of her daughter by Vinecia L. Walker Born an Angel On May 31, 2001 I gave birth to our first child, a little girl, Brianna Lynn. 10 toes, check, 10 fingers, check, and the doctor said she’s healthy. Our own ‘little angel’ THANK YOU GOD! We were so proud of her. At 5 days old we put her on her first horse. At Christmas she started crawling to the dog, Rooster, our red healer. For the next year and a half her love for the horses and the other animals grew to match my love for them. She’s now riding by herself with us leading the horse. She thinks she’s big stuff! She went everywhere with us. Bradley and I agreed that we didn’t have her for someone else to take care of. “If we cant go and keep up with her ourselves, then we won"t go. ” So she experienced everything we did, team roping, barrel racing, softball, and going to the lake to camp. As soon as she was old enough to understand that “sit still and don’t talk” was important when you’re hunting, her and daddy were off to the woods to scout for deer. Then spring rolled around and it’s turkey hunting time. SHE LOVED IT!! Her and dad watched hunting shows all the time on TV. She’s 3 years old and walks around with a hand-held turkey call - practicing. In fact, she can hoot like an owl without using a call. Thanks dad. As if listening to one of you all the time wasn’t bad enough, now I have two of you “gobblin’ & hootin‘” around the house. But one was not enough Brianna has been begging for a baby brother or a baby sister. “I’ll be a good big sister and help you change diapers and feed it for you” she said. Christmas morning 2004 we told her, “you’re going to be a big sister” and she was so excited. I asked her if she wanted a little brother or a little sister? “I want 5 baby brothers and 5 baby sisters. ” My reply was, “you’re crazy!!” Brianna and I both laughed. New Years came and went, and on that Monday I lost the baby. We told Brianna that it went to live with Jesus. She seemed to understand and didn’t ask very many questions. We were heart- broken but thanked God that we had Brianna. If she is all we every get to have, that’s ok. That’s more than some couples get. Brianna discovers barrel racing Now Brianna is riding all by herself on a 19 year old gelding named “Slug” that Bradley raised. I started teaching her and Slug the barrel racing pattern. It didn’t take but a few trips to the practice pen for them to get it down pat. We soon joined the Missouri Family Rodeo Association so we could, as a family, rodeo together. It’s rodeo day and she is so excited she can’t hardly wait. We get to the arena and she tells everyone that she is going to barrel race “all by myself. Cause I’m big now.” It’s finally her turn and I lead her in the arena while dad video tapes. I face Slug toward the barrels and away they went. My chest was about to explode with pride. By the time they reached the first barrel I was in tears. I’ve waited three and a half years for my baby to get to do something that I love doing. I’ve never been more proud of anything in all my life! I cried the entire one and half minutes it took her to walk the pattern. As she rounded the third barrel she kicked him into a trot and the audience cheered and clapped. Walking back out the gate you would have thought she just won the world. Dad and I couldn’t have been more proud if she had. Every parent leads their kids This routine continued for several rodeos. Now she has started pole bending on her pony also. It’s time to pick up the pace and start trotting the whole pattern. So to build up her confidence dad and I took turns. We, on foot, would take off running around the barrels while Brianna and Slug chased us at a trot. She got to doing great at practice, even if she wasn’t following us, but typically would brake the pattern at the rodeos. She now has the crowd wrapped around her little finger and it’s sometimes more fun to go to the fence and giggle with them. She’s such a ham! But, that’s “OK” I’d tell myself, “she’s not even 4 yet, there’s plenty of time for being serious, let her have fun while she’s little. ” And when she got back to the gate I’d tell her “good job, I’m proud of you” and gave her a high fives. Now she wants to start goat tying. I told her she wasn’t big enough, “you’ll have to grow some. ” Her reply was “I did grow!” I told her when she could get off of her horse by herself she could do it. And the practice started. She is a determined little girl. I might ad, she weighs 34 pounds and stands only 39 inches tall. Slug on the other hand weighs 1100 pounds and is over 15 hands tall. But she refuses to use the pony. Our Angel - is an Angel It is quite entertaining to watch as she dangles off his side cause she doesn’t want to let go, but yells “no, no, I do it myself” when you try to help. This continues as she has now decided that she wants to carry the American Flag in the grand entry. When she and I went to the practice pen we had to use her flag as though we were the line judges flagging each others time. She is so much fun and everyday is a new experience for her and for us. She is such a good kid, we could snap our fingers or just give her “the look” if she did something she wasn’t suppose to and she’d quit. She has never thrown a fit in public or embarrassed us by her behavior. She says “please” and “thank you” and we get a lot of compliments on her. Don’t get me wrong, she is still a kid, and she will try us occasionally. My mom always told us kids that “you can be typical kid at home, but, when we go out in public you better be good.” Brianna is a very special little girl, or maybe I’m just partial. A little girl bonds with her best friend For the next few months we rodeo'd a lot, Bradley took her fishing every Saturday morning and we spent a lot of time with the rest of our family. Brianna and Rooster are now inseparable. When we get home he runs to the truck to meet her. And every evening she gets him down, sits on him, and sorts through his hair like a little monkey picking any ticks she might find. I never said she was a normal child. She also gets a kick out of trying to ride him. One afternoon after riding, we had Slug and a young filly tied up to the trailer. They got crossed up and Slug caved in the fender before we could get them untied. It was our fault, but still, we were mad at him. Oh, we wanted to whip him, but Brianna stood there with tears rolling down her face saying “don’t you hurt my horse, I love him & he loves me!!!” So we tied him to the tree by the barn away from the filly. Baseball & BB Guns It’s T-Ball season now and she wants to play. Practice is hilarious to watch! We never pushed her to do any of the activities she does. She wants to do everything! We just help her practice whatever it is she is wanting to do. Yes, she is spoiled!! But as long as she appreciates the things we do for her and continues to behave, we’ll keep spoiling her. May 31 is growing near, birthday #4. We bought her a swing set, then she tells us she wants a BB gun so she can learn to shoot. She wants to kill her own deer and turkey. “HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY GIRL!” we celebrate her birthday each year at the lake on Memorial weekend with the whole family. The next weekend we sold her pony, Amber. We had bought Amber for her third birthday. She doesn’t ride her very often any more cause she chooses Slug. When they left the house with the pony Brianna cried and reminded me that “she was my birthday present and now that you got rid of her I don’t have a present for that birthday!” Did I mention that she was too stinking smart. So, dad’s going shopping for a BB gun this week so she has a present for that birthday. Tuesday morning, rise and shine, the sun is up and it’s a beautiful day. We got ready and off to daycare we went. Only,this morning Brianna didn’t want to stay and play outside in the sprinklers with her friends. “I want to go with you mama” she said. Normally I only let her go with me to work on Fridays because I don’t have any paper work to do then. She likes her teachers and usually don’t have any problem getting her to stay unless she doesn’t feel good and she felt fine this morning. But for some reason I didn’t make her stay. We got in the truck and headed out to the first farm of the day. We laughed and talked and enjoyed spending the day together. We finished up the days work and headed home. All the way home she kept reminding me that she wanted to ride Slug and practice. Saddling up for another days ride When dad got home we all saddled up. Brianna and I went to the pasture to practice switching hands when she makes a turn. Slug started acting up when dad rode by on his way to bottom hay field where he was going to ride at. I got a little scared because Slug has never acted like that. So I took Brianna off of him and put her on my horse and I walked beside her leading Slug. We went back to the house but she didn’t want to stop riding. “I want to go to the arena and practice” she asked. “No, lets put ‘em up for today and we’ll ride again tomorrow. ” “But I really want to practice, please” she begged. “Ok, we’ll go.” I gave in. The arena is at the neighbors house a half mile down the dirt road. We had made this trip many times. Once Slugs ‘buddy’ was out of sight he settled down and I asked Brianna if she wanted to ride Slug or my horse. She said “Slug’s acting stupid. ” I told her “he is fine now. If you want to ride him you can. Which one do you want to ride?” “Slug” was her answer. So I put her back on him. We got half way to the arena and I got a really funny feeling in my gut. “I don’t want to go the arena” I thought to myself. So, I told her that I needed to go back to the house to use the bathroom. I lied. I’d never lied to her before, but this feeling in my gut, something wasn’t right. Slug spooks and rears up She said ok and we headed back to the house. About 40 yards before we got home we met back up with the cat which typically follows us when we ride so it wasn’t an unusual situation. But this time, and only God knows why, Slug spooked. I saw him bow his neck looking at the cat standing just inside the fence line by a tree. I thought “he never spooks from anything. ” Again I got scared, this is not normal behavior for him, and I stepped down off my horse to take her off of him. I wasn’t fast enough. Just as my feet hit the ground Slug reared up and fell over backwards landing on our Baby Girl! After he rolled off of her I thought “she’s ok, she looks fine, she’s just knocked out.” As I bent over to pick her up the blood started flowing out of her nose and mouth. “Oh God, no, no, please God!” I screamed for help as loud as I could. “Please, somebody hear me.” I carried her the rest of the way to house, screaming for help, and running as fast as I could. Bradley was to far from the house to hear me and our closest neighbor is a half mile away. I got to the house and called 911, I knew there was no way she could survive that much force on her little body, but I can’t give up. With 911 on the house phone I carried her back outside so I could get signal on my cell phone. I put the cell phone on speaker and tried to call someone from the family to help me. I knew they could get here faster than the ambulance and I need help now! But they couldn‘t understand me. “Is she breathing?” the operator asked. “No!” I replied. “Does she have a pulse?” “Yes” “You have to breathe for her, can you do that?” “Yes. ” And he walked me through step by step. “That breath was too big, she’s just a baby. Use smaller breaths. ” He could tell by listening to me if I was doing it right or not. Again he asked me “does she still have a pulse?” “Oh God, just barely. It’s really weak. ” “It stopped! I can’t feel it beating!!” Calmly he asked me “do you know CPR?” “I took lessons years ago but I’ve never used it” “You’re going to have to do chest compressions, do you remember how?” “Yes, I think so.” I started full CPR on her. And again, he walked me through each step. Now I can hear the sirens coming. I continued working on Brianna and listening to the sirens for what felt like forever. “They’ve missed the turn. I’ve heard ’em to long they should’ve been here by now. They had to have missed it!!” I franticly told the operator. Help finally arrives Finally! The first vehicle pulled in the driveway. It was a first responder from the fire department. I was so relieved to see someone that might be able to save her. When he took over the CPR I hung up the phone and told him I had to find Bradley. The horses were loose in the yard so I grabbed my barrel horse and took off running as hard as he could run. Bradley was on his way back to the house when we met up. I had blood all over my clothes, hands and face and all I could say was “It’s Brianna!!!” We then turned and ran back to the house as fast as the horses legs could take us. By now there was several people working on Brianna. All of my family lives several hours away and I want them here, now. I’m going to need them all no matter what this outcome is. I called my sister in Arkansas and told her to go get mom and get here, they are the closest ones. Then I called my sister in Mississippi. She and I had become very close since Brianna’s birth and the two shared the same birthday. Bradley’s dad, uncle and grandpa were here now and his mom came shortly later. “I’ll call my brother from the hospital” I thought as the ambulance pulled up. They worked on her for a long time before I heard the helicopter land in the field right in front of the house. They kept on working on her. When I asked “why aren’t they loading her” I was told “she was being prepped.” Once they loaded her we got in the truck and all headed for the hospital. This is normally a 30-40 minute drive. It felt like hours. All the way I begged God to show me a miracle. “You’ve showed me you can take her life, please God, show me you can give it back. ” “If you have to have someone I’ll take her place. Please God, don’t take her!” I begged, pleaded and prayed all the way to the hospital. Arriving at the hospital When we got in the emergency room they took us into a counseling room. They told us that the surgeon would be in to talk to us in a minute. I thought to myself “he better not stop working on our baby to come talk to us. ” The next thing he said was that when she arrived at the hospital she was trying to breath on her own. “I did it! I kept her alive!!!” I thought. “But her injuries were so severe that her heart couldn’t keep up. She died a few minutes ago. I’m sorry. ” The next thing I heard in my head was Brianna saying, “Don’t you hurt my horse, I love him and he loves me.” I turned to Bradley and made him promise not to shoot Slug. We gave God a child in January, why is he taking Brianna too, she’s all we have. I don’t understand and I’m mad as hell, if I could get my hands on him, I’d choke him! We spent the next couple hours holding the body of our Baby Girl and sang songs to her that we usually sing together. I know we’re not suppose to question Gods will and only he knows what was in her future, but I want to know why? I want to know why he is taking her from friends and family that love her more than anything in the world, but leaves a child who is abused, unloved, unwanted, and left hungry. Not that I think they should’ve died instead, but for them it would be a relief from a horrible life. The nurses came back in and asked “would you like hand and foot prints done and a lock of her hair for a keep sake?” “Yes, please. ” Bradley tried to clean up my face before we went back out. Leaving her lay there on that bed and walking away was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. When we left that room, the council room and the lobby was full of friends and family. How did some of them find out so fast? Everybody knew that she was dead, but the looks on their faces said that they weren’t expecting to see me covered in her blood. We got home about 12 o’clock and Bradley’s boss and a co-worker were waiting in the drive way. Just at that moment I remembered, there was a big puddle of blood in the kitchen where I stood holding her while I dialed 911. I dreaded going in and having to step over it to get in. But when I opened the door it was gone, everything was cleaned up. Later I found out that the neighbor had cleaned it up and took care of the horses that were running loose. Life barely moves on “I’m having a bad nightmare and when I wake up in the morning she’ll be in her bed just like usual.” I slept for a couple of hours but when the sun came up our beautiful blue eyed, blonde haired, loving, sassy little girl was still gone. She’s our world, how does this world keep turning without her? I’m in shock and don’t know how life goes on when our lives revolved around her. As a mom, of course I think that my baby is special, all moms do. But for the next few days I watched big burly men that show no emotions for anything, melt like butter and cry uncontrollably right along with the women. Rooster runs with excitement to every vehicle that pulls in the driveway. But when Brianna didn’t get out of it, he moped back over and laid down at our feet. And Slug? For two weeks strait every time Bradley or I went outside he would be standing at the yard fence looking at the house, not eating grass with the other horses, just standing, staring, like he knew what he’d done. Brianna’s smile and uplifting personality made her special. There were times that the cars were parked a quarter of a mile up the road, people bringing food and their prayers. Thursday night was visitation Thursday night was visitation. After a private viewing with family only, we closed her casket. I don’t want people to see her just laying there, not laughing. She was always laughing and cutting up and that is what I want their last image to be. Poster boards of pictures lined the entry room of the funeral home. For the next few hours people came in in a steady line. The funeral home director estimated 1300-1500 people. He said he saw several go in without signing the book. “I’m not just partial. My baby is special!” Not just to her family but to everyone that met her. My brother and I sat up most of the night talking. He told me “Brianna always acted and talked older than her age. “I can’t help but think that she was an angel that escaped from heaven just so she could bless our lives, and God needed her back. ” The funeral The funeral showed another big crowd and the kids in the 9 and under age group from the rodeo association brought balloons for a balloon release. I asked Bradley that night as we sat up talking “why aren’t you mad at me?” “Why would I be?” he asked back. Crying I said “because I wasn’t fast enough! I could see it happening but I couldn’t get to her to get her off!!” (I even had a lead rope on him but lost my hold) He hugged me and said “I’ve watched you take care of her for four years, I know you did everything you could. ” “But I know if it had been you with her, I’d hate you for it,even though I’d know you did all you could” I explained. He then said in a crackly voice “I know - that’s why God knew it had to be you with her when it happened. So you wouldn’t blame anyone else. ” It's now been 5 months since the accident It’s been 5 months tonight since the accident and the simplest daily tasks are difficult to do. Getting out of bed, going to work, balancing the check book, paying the bills and even remembering what it was I was fixing to do, have all become a chore. Through the day we somewhat function, but bedtime is my hardest time of day. For four years and one week we said our prayers together and never went to sleep without hugs and kisses. Brianna had never spent the night away from me. We made a heart shaped rock flower bed out of the plants and flowers from the funeral so I spend a lot of time setting out there talking to her and saying our nightly prayers. I want to feel her arms squeezed around my neck and her soft little lips as she kisses me saying “love you bunches.” And “sweet dreams, don’t let the bed bugs bite you.” I miss hearing her giggle as she says “race ya!” when were walking through the yard. I put her back on the horse that killed her. He always took care of her. He has never ever spooked before. All the “what ifs” and “whys” still run through my head, along with the horrifying images that I still see. I can’t see blood without seeing her bloody face again and getting sick at my stomach. I have always had a stomach of steel and now I can’t even watch TV without getting queasy. I know that I have to learn to deal with that, but I don’t know how. I’ve read several books on loosing a child to accidents and illness, but not one of them has the story of a parent seeing the accident happen and not being able to stop it. I wish I was the only parent that has lived this nightmare, but I’m sure I’m not. Everyday out of the blue those images will pop up and I see it happen all over again. Every night I ask “If you’re gonna leaves us here God, please give us the strength to make it through tomorrow,” and every morning I have to force myself to get up and leave the house. God has a plan for us God has a plan for each one of us, something he needs us to do. Brianna did hers in 4 very short years. The preacher that had married Bradley and I told us one night while we showed him the flower bed, that Brianna had touched more lives in 4 years than he had in 25 years of preaching. I don’t know what God’s plan is for me, but I wont accomplish it by laying around feeling sorry for myself. The sooner I do whatever it is he needs me to do, the sooner I can go hold my Baby Girl again. So, I have work to do and from the words of George Strait’s new song I’ll see you on the other side, which was played at her funeral, “It might be a long hard ride, but I’ll take it.” I wont like the ride without Brianna, but we have to take it. People have asked if we’ll have any more kids and if we do, will we put them on a horse. Once we learn how to manage the stress and the uncontrollable emotions, we will. Some people have asked “why was a 4 year old even on a horse?” To those people I ask “why do you put your children in a car, or on a 4-wheeler, an airplane, on a skateboard, or even a bicycle so they can ride out in front of a car?” A friend of the family told me that night at the hospital “we are horse people. We put our baby’s on horses everyday, and we’ll do it again tomorrow, because that is what we do.” I know, in my head, that what happened to Brianna was a freak accident and happened the way God meant it to, but my heart argues with my head and I still get very angry with God and myself. I know if it had been anybody else with her instead of me, that I would hate them for not taking care of her. I question myself bad enough. God felt she had met her goals and it was her time to go. Why else did I let her go to work with me that day and why the funny feeling in my gut on the way to the arena? I’m not saying that God planned it, but he knew it was gonna happen. God knew that I needed that last day with her and that we needed to be closer to home when it happened. Although the pain is still very fresh, it gives me comfort knowing that she is in heaven and will never have to experience pain or unhappiness. She’s not only our ‘little Angel’ she is a real angel that is watching over all of us. So tonight when you put your kids to bed ask yourself “am I proud of the life that I’ve given my kids and have I made enough memories with them to carry me through this world if tomorrow doesn’t come for them?” Your kids need those memories too, if something happens to you. I can’t imagine going through this and having to answer that question any other way but “Yes I am proud, and THANK GOD WE TOOK THE TIME TO MAKE MEMORIES!!!!” “We miss you deeply, and we love you ‘Baby Girl’. ” BRIANNA LYNN WALKER May 31, 2001 - June 7, 2005 “Our little Angel”
Monday, October 13, 2008
Horse slaughter
I am strongly for horse slaughter in the US. So strong that now I dont know who I will vote for because every candidate who might possible run for president, house or senate is anti-slaughter. I cried the other night while doing research for my paper on slaughter houses when I found out McCain voted for closing them right along with the terrorist and dumb ass Hillary.
If you go to several horse rescue group's web pages you will find pictures of horses being slaughtered....I thought they would be bad or something. Umm, No they are ridiculous PG.
What the hell are we going to do the market is nearing a halt? Its great for buying but what about resale? Everything pro-slaughter members said would happen has!! The market dropped. Horses are being turned loose or dumped on people. Horses are starving to dead because people can feed them. ETC....................................................I cant talk about it anymore. It makes me angry. The groups claiming to be helping have made it worst than ever.
If you go to several horse rescue group's web pages you will find pictures of horses being slaughtered....I thought they would be bad or something. Umm, No they are ridiculous PG.
What the hell are we going to do the market is nearing a halt? Its great for buying but what about resale? Everything pro-slaughter members said would happen has!! The market dropped. Horses are being turned loose or dumped on people. Horses are starving to dead because people can feed them. ETC....................................................I cant talk about it anymore. It makes me angry. The groups claiming to be helping have made it worst than ever.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Being a Republican for the sake of a liberal lifestyle...
Me a Republican...YES....but don't get me wrong, I'm far from the typical red party member.
I choose to have a conservative stand for the simple reason of I don't like being told what to do and I prefer do things on my own....That is what the Republican party should be, used to be and hopefully will be one day again.
As a whole I do not agree with some of the policies they hold dear but I am for everyone working to better themselves not sharing the wealth. Not that I really work very hard but I am a spoiled brat and my husband knows that. I would prefer that part of his pay check not go to a crack whore's baby or some old person that was too stupid to plan their retirement!!!! Social security was never meant to be a retirement plan. Unemployment was to help till you found a job(mind you during and right after the Great Depression) and medicare was meant to help families in need and Government employees, not Mexican's and cracked out white trash's off spring. Seriously do they really not know how they got knocked up?????? Pull out!!!!!!!
Build the roads, shoot the bad guys and stay out of my life...My government.
I am pro choice, if you don't want to have a baby then don't
I do not believe god should have anything to do with school, because not every one's god is the same god;
It's one thing if the government( which is paid for by the American tax payer ) really does owe you something...
Maybe they stole your land a few hundred years ago and are still paying you back for it.....
You served your country....
and in my option they owe you, we owe you....
The government should not have say over when, where, how, what I do with or anything else the Democrats want to regulate with my horses, dogs, cattle or any other animal I choose to buy while my husband is on a fire.....
If I want to sell them for human consumption, shoot them all in the head, make them stand tie to trees or eat them myself, I should get to!!! And the government and all you soft heart idiots can go f*$k off, no really please do. Some one else's tax dollar is probably paying for it.
People who think that the leaders of a twisted Democratic party have them in mind; while all the while they are only making more jobs for their friends have got to be the stupidest people on the planet....Please never in history has a Democratic president done anything for the people for the people.... he did for the people to help himself....His little friend needs a job--make a new something to help the people and guess who gets to head it, yes you blue loving jackass' his friend...
The socialist yes that is what they are, maybe even communist, oh no one likes that word. Have you read a government book people, really? Do you know what a comunist is? In short, a country completely run by the government.
Do any of you actually know what party the greatest presidents in history have been? I doubt it or you would see how two faced and UNCHANGING the democratic party really is....
Any black person rejoicing that a black man may be president might want to take a look at what kind of sale out would be head of a pro-slavery Democatic party. The Republican Party was form because of anti-slavery and first lead by none other than Lincoln.
Strange how the words change, change, change inspire....people to completely loose their brain, what you say change, change, change is the same word, yep it is just like the democratic party is the same old stuffing just a different colored box every time.
Republicans get taxes cut. Democrats raise taxes, always first on who they say are the wealthy but if you read the fine print they are raising them on everyone worth raising them on. By wording it the weathly instead of everyone who makes this much and more, they have you fooled into thinking it is not you, because no one not even Bill Gates, thinks they are wealthy.
So while all you Democrats think some jackass who make a million times what you do understands you....I will be voting for the the jackass who make a million times what I do but believes in lower taxes for all, small government and less governmental control of everything.
So as a Republican, I may not be a solid, blood red but I am sure I'm welcome as a hot pink republican.
I choose to have a conservative stand for the simple reason of I don't like being told what to do and I prefer do things on my own....That is what the Republican party should be, used to be and hopefully will be one day again.
As a whole I do not agree with some of the policies they hold dear but I am for everyone working to better themselves not sharing the wealth. Not that I really work very hard but I am a spoiled brat and my husband knows that. I would prefer that part of his pay check not go to a crack whore's baby or some old person that was too stupid to plan their retirement!!!! Social security was never meant to be a retirement plan. Unemployment was to help till you found a job(mind you during and right after the Great Depression) and medicare was meant to help families in need and Government employees, not Mexican's and cracked out white trash's off spring. Seriously do they really not know how they got knocked up?????? Pull out!!!!!!!
Build the roads, shoot the bad guys and stay out of my life...My government.
I am pro choice, if you don't want to have a baby then don't
I do not believe god should have anything to do with school, because not every one's god is the same god;
It's one thing if the government( which is paid for by the American tax payer ) really does owe you something...
Maybe they stole your land a few hundred years ago and are still paying you back for it.....
You served your country....
and in my option they owe you, we owe you....
The government should not have say over when, where, how, what I do with or anything else the Democrats want to regulate with my horses, dogs, cattle or any other animal I choose to buy while my husband is on a fire.....
If I want to sell them for human consumption, shoot them all in the head, make them stand tie to trees or eat them myself, I should get to!!! And the government and all you soft heart idiots can go f*$k off, no really please do. Some one else's tax dollar is probably paying for it.
People who think that the leaders of a twisted Democratic party have them in mind; while all the while they are only making more jobs for their friends have got to be the stupidest people on the planet....Please never in history has a Democratic president done anything for the people for the people.... he did for the people to help himself....His little friend needs a job--make a new something to help the people and guess who gets to head it, yes you blue loving jackass' his friend...
The socialist yes that is what they are, maybe even communist, oh no one likes that word. Have you read a government book people, really? Do you know what a comunist is? In short, a country completely run by the government.
Do any of you actually know what party the greatest presidents in history have been? I doubt it or you would see how two faced and UNCHANGING the democratic party really is....
Any black person rejoicing that a black man may be president might want to take a look at what kind of sale out would be head of a pro-slavery Democatic party. The Republican Party was form because of anti-slavery and first lead by none other than Lincoln.
Strange how the words change, change, change inspire....people to completely loose their brain, what you say change, change, change is the same word, yep it is just like the democratic party is the same old stuffing just a different colored box every time.
Republicans get taxes cut. Democrats raise taxes, always first on who they say are the wealthy but if you read the fine print they are raising them on everyone worth raising them on. By wording it the weathly instead of everyone who makes this much and more, they have you fooled into thinking it is not you, because no one not even Bill Gates, thinks they are wealthy.
So while all you Democrats think some jackass who make a million times what you do understands you....I will be voting for the the jackass who make a million times what I do but believes in lower taxes for all, small government and less governmental control of everything.
So as a Republican, I may not be a solid, blood red but I am sure I'm welcome as a hot pink republican.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Our horses....
The finished back stalls,
paris,
pork chop,
bubbles,
shuttle,
camo
dylan,
poncho,
dkny,
ruby
torch,
armani,
gucci,
beau,
doodles,
popi
paris,
pork chop,
bubbles,
shuttle,
camo
dylan,
poncho,
dkny,
ruby
torch,
armani,
gucci,
beau,
doodles,
popi
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Obama
A Black Columnist on Obama
Ken Blackwell - Columnist for the New York Sun
It's an amazing time to be alive in America . We're in a year of firsts in this presidential election: the first viable woman candidate; the first viable African-American candidate; and, a candidate who is the first front-running freedom fighter over 70. The next president of America will be a first.
We won't truly be in an election of firsts, however, until we judge every candidate by where they stand. We won't arrive where we should be until we no longer talk about skin color or gender.
Now that Barack Obama steps to the front of the Democratic field, we need to stop talking about his race, and start talking about his policies and his politics.
The reality is this: Though the Democrats will not have a nominee until August, unless Hillary Clinton drops out, Mr. Obama is now the frontrunner, and its time America takes a closer and deeper look at him.
Some pundits are calling him the next John F. Kennedy. He's not. He's the next George McGovern. And it's time people learned the facts.
Because the truth is that Mr. Obama is the single most liberal senator in the entire U.S. Senate.
He is more liberal than Ted Kennedy, Bernie Sanders, or Mrs. Clinton. Never in my life have I seen a presidential frontrunner whose rhetoric is so far removed from his record. Walter Mondale promised to raise our taxes, and he lost. George McGovern promised military weakness, and he lost. Michael Dukakis promised a liberal domestic agenda, and he lost.
Yet Mr. Obama is promising all those things, and he's not behind in the polls. Why? Because the press has dealt with him as if he were in a beauty pageant.. Mr. Obama talks about getting past party, getting past red and blue, to lead the United States of America . But let's look at the more defined strokes of who he is underneath this superficial 'beauty.'
Start with national security, since the president's most important duties are as commander-in-chief. Over the summer, Mr. Obama talked about invading Pakistan, a nation armed with nuclear weapons; meeting without preconditions with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who vows to destroy Israel and create another Holocaust; and Kim Jong II, who is murdering and starving his people, but emphasized that the nuclear option was off the table against terrorists - something no president has ever taken off the table since we created nuclear weapons in the 1940s.
Even Democrats who have worked in national security condemned all of those remarks. Mr. Obama is a foreign-policy novice who would put our national security at risk.
Next, consider economic policy. For all its faults, our health care system is the strongest in the world. And free trade agreements, created by Bill Clinton as well as President Bush, have made more goods more affordable so that even people of modest means can live a life that no one imagined a generation ago.
Yet Mr. Obama promises to raise taxes on 'the rich.' How to fix Social Security? Raise taxes. How to fix Medicare? Raise taxes. Prescription drugs? Raise taxes. Free college? Raise taxes. Socialize medicine? Raise taxes.
His solution to everything is to have government take it over. Big Brother on steroids, funded by your paycheck.
Finally, look at the social issues. Mr. Obama had the audacity to open a stadium rally by saying, 'All praise and glory to God!' but says that Christian leaders speaking for life and marriage have 'hijacked' - hijacked - Christianity. He is pro-partial birth abortion, and promises to appoint Supreme Court justices who will rule any restriction on it unconstitutional. He espouses the abortion views of Margaret Sanger, one of the early advocates of racial cleansing. His spiritual leaders endorse homosexual marriage, and he is moving in that direction. In Illinois , he refused to vote against a statewide ban - ban - on all handguns in the state. These are radical left, Hollywood , and San Francisco values, not Middle America values.
The real Mr. Obama is an easy target for the general election. Mrs. Clinton is a far tougher opponent. But Mr. Obama could win if people don't start looking behind his veneer and flowery speeches.
His vision of 'bringing America together' means saying that those who disagree with his agenda for America are hijackers or warmongers. Uniting the country means adopting his liberal agenda and abandoning any conflicting beliefs.
But right now everyone is talking about how eloquent of a speaker he is and - yes - they're talking about his race. Those should never be the factors on which we base our choice for president. Mr. Obama's radical agenda sets him far outside the American mainstream, to the left of Mrs. Clinton.
It's time to talk about the real Barack Obama. In an election of firsts, let's first make sure we elect the person who is qualified to be our president in a nuclear age during a global civilizational war.
Kind of scary, wouldn't you think
According to The Book of Revelations the anti-christ is:
The anti-christ will be a man, in his 40s, of MUSLIM descent, who will deceive the nations with persuasive language, and have a MASSIVE Christ-like appeal....the prophecy says that people will flock to him and he will promise false hope and world peace, and when he is in power, will destroy everything. Is it OBAMA??
Ken Blackwell - Columnist for the New York Sun
It's an amazing time to be alive in America . We're in a year of firsts in this presidential election: the first viable woman candidate; the first viable African-American candidate; and, a candidate who is the first front-running freedom fighter over 70. The next president of America will be a first.
We won't truly be in an election of firsts, however, until we judge every candidate by where they stand. We won't arrive where we should be until we no longer talk about skin color or gender.
Now that Barack Obama steps to the front of the Democratic field, we need to stop talking about his race, and start talking about his policies and his politics.
The reality is this: Though the Democrats will not have a nominee until August, unless Hillary Clinton drops out, Mr. Obama is now the frontrunner, and its time America takes a closer and deeper look at him.
Some pundits are calling him the next John F. Kennedy. He's not. He's the next George McGovern. And it's time people learned the facts.
Because the truth is that Mr. Obama is the single most liberal senator in the entire U.S. Senate.
He is more liberal than Ted Kennedy, Bernie Sanders, or Mrs. Clinton. Never in my life have I seen a presidential frontrunner whose rhetoric is so far removed from his record. Walter Mondale promised to raise our taxes, and he lost. George McGovern promised military weakness, and he lost. Michael Dukakis promised a liberal domestic agenda, and he lost.
Yet Mr. Obama is promising all those things, and he's not behind in the polls. Why? Because the press has dealt with him as if he were in a beauty pageant.. Mr. Obama talks about getting past party, getting past red and blue, to lead the United States of America . But let's look at the more defined strokes of who he is underneath this superficial 'beauty.'
Start with national security, since the president's most important duties are as commander-in-chief. Over the summer, Mr. Obama talked about invading Pakistan, a nation armed with nuclear weapons; meeting without preconditions with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who vows to destroy Israel and create another Holocaust; and Kim Jong II, who is murdering and starving his people, but emphasized that the nuclear option was off the table against terrorists - something no president has ever taken off the table since we created nuclear weapons in the 1940s.
Even Democrats who have worked in national security condemned all of those remarks. Mr. Obama is a foreign-policy novice who would put our national security at risk.
Next, consider economic policy. For all its faults, our health care system is the strongest in the world. And free trade agreements, created by Bill Clinton as well as President Bush, have made more goods more affordable so that even people of modest means can live a life that no one imagined a generation ago.
Yet Mr. Obama promises to raise taxes on 'the rich.' How to fix Social Security? Raise taxes. How to fix Medicare? Raise taxes. Prescription drugs? Raise taxes. Free college? Raise taxes. Socialize medicine? Raise taxes.
His solution to everything is to have government take it over. Big Brother on steroids, funded by your paycheck.
Finally, look at the social issues. Mr. Obama had the audacity to open a stadium rally by saying, 'All praise and glory to God!' but says that Christian leaders speaking for life and marriage have 'hijacked' - hijacked - Christianity. He is pro-partial birth abortion, and promises to appoint Supreme Court justices who will rule any restriction on it unconstitutional. He espouses the abortion views of Margaret Sanger, one of the early advocates of racial cleansing. His spiritual leaders endorse homosexual marriage, and he is moving in that direction. In Illinois , he refused to vote against a statewide ban - ban - on all handguns in the state. These are radical left, Hollywood , and San Francisco values, not Middle America values.
The real Mr. Obama is an easy target for the general election. Mrs. Clinton is a far tougher opponent. But Mr. Obama could win if people don't start looking behind his veneer and flowery speeches.
His vision of 'bringing America together' means saying that those who disagree with his agenda for America are hijackers or warmongers. Uniting the country means adopting his liberal agenda and abandoning any conflicting beliefs.
But right now everyone is talking about how eloquent of a speaker he is and - yes - they're talking about his race. Those should never be the factors on which we base our choice for president. Mr. Obama's radical agenda sets him far outside the American mainstream, to the left of Mrs. Clinton.
It's time to talk about the real Barack Obama. In an election of firsts, let's first make sure we elect the person who is qualified to be our president in a nuclear age during a global civilizational war.
Kind of scary, wouldn't you think
According to The Book of Revelations the anti-christ is:
The anti-christ will be a man, in his 40s, of MUSLIM descent, who will deceive the nations with persuasive language, and have a MASSIVE Christ-like appeal....the prophecy says that people will flock to him and he will promise false hope and world peace, and when he is in power, will destroy everything. Is it OBAMA??
stewie can so jump on the couch
stewie my little dachshund is the most depend dog in the whole world. if you call him he will sit down and make you come pick him up, he sleeps as close to me as he can get...
we know he can jump on the on the couch but he wont do did if you are in the room he makes you pick him up. we know he can because you leave the room and when you come back he is on the couch. so I'm sitting here recovering from my hang over and not getting in my bed till 7 this morning, watching a movie and the little shit comes running across the room and jumps on the the couch from like 5 foot back. plays with bloomer a little bit. jumps down another thing he wont do if someone is around. and wines by my chair to pick him up. i told him little dog i saw you jump on the couch and I'm not picking your counter fit ass up any more. after a little more whimpering he gives it up and jumps on the chair. now he is all snuggled up to me.
we know he can jump on the on the couch but he wont do did if you are in the room he makes you pick him up. we know he can because you leave the room and when you come back he is on the couch. so I'm sitting here recovering from my hang over and not getting in my bed till 7 this morning, watching a movie and the little shit comes running across the room and jumps on the the couch from like 5 foot back. plays with bloomer a little bit. jumps down another thing he wont do if someone is around. and wines by my chair to pick him up. i told him little dog i saw you jump on the couch and I'm not picking your counter fit ass up any more. after a little more whimpering he gives it up and jumps on the chair. now he is all snuggled up to me.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
about my come apart...
sorry i forgot all about the actually come apart...i had just fed and was beginning to saddle horses and put them at their stations, while walking across to torch from tying up camo i all of a sudden realize in one wk they will all be gone....and i lost it completely. while im sitting indian style in the middle of the pasture holding a hater, a curry comb and a soft brush balling my eyes out i know that nothing after this will ever be the same....
i as most of you know cant handle being bored. I need and want everything to happen now and faster. I have never been able to hold down a job with little care about it...i get bored and im done with anything and everything. i changed men like underwear until i met blw, for some reason he fits like they ( jen, rob, ash) do. they are solid, unchanging, over analizing, perfectionist, ocd, unorganized, never on time level people that i just blow around like a hurricane wind blow againist the cliffs. the clifs dont move they just stay still till the wind calms down.
there will be no more....jen saddling my horse because im to drunk or her sitting sideways on the alley way watching my run. drinking white russians and watching horse porn. crown shots with ash before we run. sitting for hours stoned watching people pull in to a barrel race. me reading barrel horse news to her because she is driving. rob and i partying late into the nite downtown. having to jump beau off thru the excape door because my current make over horse wont back out. or me waiting on any of them because i know they are always late.
i as most of you know cant handle being bored. I need and want everything to happen now and faster. I have never been able to hold down a job with little care about it...i get bored and im done with anything and everything. i changed men like underwear until i met blw, for some reason he fits like they ( jen, rob, ash) do. they are solid, unchanging, over analizing, perfectionist, ocd, unorganized, never on time level people that i just blow around like a hurricane wind blow againist the cliffs. the clifs dont move they just stay still till the wind calms down.
there will be no more....jen saddling my horse because im to drunk or her sitting sideways on the alley way watching my run. drinking white russians and watching horse porn. crown shots with ash before we run. sitting for hours stoned watching people pull in to a barrel race. me reading barrel horse news to her because she is driving. rob and i partying late into the nite downtown. having to jump beau off thru the excape door because my current make over horse wont back out. or me waiting on any of them because i know they are always late.
i had a come apart today....
as you all know jen left me, here in tx all alone with no one to talk to at barrel races!!
BUT...thats not the end of my torture....i have two other friends that rank right up there with her well close everyone knows she is no. 1.
Here is the problem(s)
1. Jen moves to sd, like what couple months ago...im ok with that because i still talk to her most days(i will have a total episode if i don't) and we text, blog and email...im ok...and she is all happy and stuff.
i also dont deal with stuff i just ignore it. i have a tendency to do nothing, when i know i should, but i just sit and think about it....kinda like denial
2) Ash is leaving tomorrow to move to ca. we ran at our last rodeo together for who knows how long on friday....but it wasn't like always. Ash is madly in love with justin and they are a perfect match.
3) rob is getting married sat and will be leaving me also to move to germany because her soon to be eli is in the army. she leaves the 22nd. rob lives like 6 miles down the road.
all of these girls run barrels and are my best friends and in a matter of 8 wks they are all going to be gone not here for me to just randomly show up at their house and talk them into something to do....i know we are all still going to be as close, especially jen and rob....but its not the same. why all at the same time. here is what i fear...you always hear while you're growing up, one day you'll get married and move away and you wont have the same friends.
so am i pasted that or did i just get there?
BUT...thats not the end of my torture....i have two other friends that rank right up there with her well close everyone knows she is no. 1.
Here is the problem(s)
1. Jen moves to sd, like what couple months ago...im ok with that because i still talk to her most days(i will have a total episode if i don't) and we text, blog and email...im ok...and she is all happy and stuff.
i also dont deal with stuff i just ignore it. i have a tendency to do nothing, when i know i should, but i just sit and think about it....kinda like denial
2) Ash is leaving tomorrow to move to ca. we ran at our last rodeo together for who knows how long on friday....but it wasn't like always. Ash is madly in love with justin and they are a perfect match.
3) rob is getting married sat and will be leaving me also to move to germany because her soon to be eli is in the army. she leaves the 22nd. rob lives like 6 miles down the road.
all of these girls run barrels and are my best friends and in a matter of 8 wks they are all going to be gone not here for me to just randomly show up at their house and talk them into something to do....i know we are all still going to be as close, especially jen and rob....but its not the same. why all at the same time. here is what i fear...you always hear while you're growing up, one day you'll get married and move away and you wont have the same friends.
so am i pasted that or did i just get there?
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
back stalls
my back stalls are done, both of them...they look really good!!! we put the middle wall up between the front two stalls today also.
paris is working really good, she is out in her hips they are crooked....causing her to crossfire, again when she is in the right lead. we'll have to get that fixed.
popi is a crazy little shit...we are putting him on some med. to help with that.
beau is losing weight and starting to look really good...
doodles is the best....
dylan is so catty i cant get the lead rope to work with him on leading and to tie him up. im going to put a lunge line on his halter tommorrow.
i need to call about dkny tommorrow also....
camo is really skinny and i cant get him to put wgt on...he has a round bale and 10lbs of ultium a day...
torch, well i dont really do anything with him...he gets tied up everyday but thats about it.
ruby and poncho are back over at blws parents, he is still lame.
gucci is doing better now that armani is eating grain and hay mostly...he is still an ass.
bloomer and stewie are barking these days at anything that moves...
the cats and ferret are doing well these days....
shuttle is good she isnt the wild little mustang she once was but is getting around good.
blw is probably going out on a fire, next week. he'll be gone two weeks. dont know when he will leave im not very happy about it but oh well. ill redecorate while he is gone....
paris is working really good, she is out in her hips they are crooked....causing her to crossfire, again when she is in the right lead. we'll have to get that fixed.
popi is a crazy little shit...we are putting him on some med. to help with that.
beau is losing weight and starting to look really good...
doodles is the best....
dylan is so catty i cant get the lead rope to work with him on leading and to tie him up. im going to put a lunge line on his halter tommorrow.
i need to call about dkny tommorrow also....
camo is really skinny and i cant get him to put wgt on...he has a round bale and 10lbs of ultium a day...
torch, well i dont really do anything with him...he gets tied up everyday but thats about it.
ruby and poncho are back over at blws parents, he is still lame.
gucci is doing better now that armani is eating grain and hay mostly...he is still an ass.
bloomer and stewie are barking these days at anything that moves...
the cats and ferret are doing well these days....
shuttle is good she isnt the wild little mustang she once was but is getting around good.
blw is probably going out on a fire, next week. he'll be gone two weeks. dont know when he will leave im not very happy about it but oh well. ill redecorate while he is gone....
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
where in the hell is jennifer?
oh where oh where is my best friend? I havent talked to her in over 24 hrs...im fixing to sell the little mare at my house?
Sunday, August 3, 2008
bad ass horses
here are some recent runs at lonestar and glen rose of really nice horses
whitney bettis and spark plug
shannon oneal and roanie
whitney bettis and spark plug
amanda rutledge and tiny fortune
kassie mowery and fm radio
whitney bettis and spark plug
shannon oneal and roanie
whitney bettis and spark plug
amanda rutledge and tiny fortune
kassie mowery and fm radio
Saturday, August 2, 2008
new trailer
our new trailer...
we plan on putting a little wkend package in it....
4horse, 5 ft short wall & 10 long...
pictures and videos
popi and me at lonestar last wkend, he won his first check at lonestar at the first buz post they every had five yrs ago
my barrl pattern, blw made me a little drag and everything
a brain placement station, paris usually stands at this one some times camo
boston he is white, hugs is grey, petunia the ferret all playing
stewie doing what he always does, sleeping
boston and kissespetunia, in her little bed in brandons dresser
Purring Jets, aka torch, 3 yo tb stallion, a grandson of storm cat
Gucci and Armani the demon seed
The wanna be mustangs, camo and shuttle
my back stall are almost done, the roof is on the ground , the paint horse is bo, he belongs to one of my best friens robin she is moving to germany for a yr so i get to baby sit
paris's exh at lonestar last wkend, she kinda started turning to soon on the 2nd but she tried and thats what im looking for should start entering her again in oct.
Purring Jets, aka torch, 3 yo tb stallion, a grandson of storm cat
Gucci and Armani the demon seed
The wanna be mustangs, camo and shuttle
my back stall are almost done, the roof is on the ground , the paint horse is bo, he belongs to one of my best friens robin she is moving to germany for a yr so i get to baby sit
paris's exh at lonestar last wkend, she kinda started turning to soon on the 2nd but she tried and thats what im looking for should start entering her again in oct.
popi and me, 2nd run lonestar yes i almost fall off at the 2nd. and again at glen rose during the 1st run below
Friday, August 1, 2008
im done...
im not doing anything nice for people who dont deserve it any more....
no more using peoples services because i think they need the money, no more
and why in the hell are some people so stupid that you must talk to them like they are in kindergarten....they just dont get the point...
i do things with purpose if you find something out its because i wanted you to, and dont be so naive to think that who you heard it from wasnt joining on running you down, grow up
okay heres the story...
i always wanted this horse lets call it london....before, during and after being trained by 'bob the barrel horse trainer'....london works good during its training, but then gets sore and the owners do nothing. london still tries to work and is sent home to the owners, WORKING, the owners cant ride london, so they take the horse to an other trainer, this trainer tells them that london works great and that they must learn to ride london....the owners try various contraptions on london because force always makes up for balance, timing, ability and horsemanship, when it comes to riding, hold on im shitting out some more B.S. they have joints injected that dont need it...londons joints are great...i have xrays from that say so....london also has bad dental problems on top of everything else because her teeth were not taken care of at all....london quits working....not because it hurt, but because there was no bond built on horsemanship, love and time spent being a team. london had no reason to try and no help to become solid....so finally after the horse is put thur all this i get london, fully aware of what london is, where london came from and why london is like london is....i didnt care what london was then, i knew once we got everything fixed and i had time to bond with london, london who come back to the real world....i got london, london was under weight probably from the bad teeth, and a complete nervous wreck...mind you london set back all the time, so that didnt help with being sore, london rarely sets back now, and when it happens, london isnt tied up...while im am spending boxes of cash on london trying to fix the problems that were created by the previous owners, i keep hearing all this bad stuff they are saying about me and how im riding her and that they got screwed on the trade.....frankly the london was worth about 3500 or less at the time of the trade i traded them a mare i had listed for 7500 and a 5yo, my uncle threw a fit saying the 5yo was his...so it ended up being just the mare...which at the time was worth far more than london...the previous owners agreed fully to this....so after getting things fixed london isnt really any better so we decided london needs a vacation...during the last barrel race before the vacation, i hear from one of my very good friends that the previous owner had said well i used to run london in an o-ring...horse shit on that one, maybe with a tie down way to tight and some torture rope run thru the rings...any aids that were used on london with the previous owners where never adjust correctly...again with the force thing, works wonders....and we also were told that the previous owners said i better start doing something with london because london was wearing their brand....i decide after much debate over it not say anything, unless i heard something else, well low and behold im at a barrel race myself and i get not one but two calls about the previous owners running their traps again i wasnt told where or when but what was say was the same thing id been hearing for months...and along comes one of the previous owners friend so i tell her when she ask about london she is worthless and that im fixing to cover the brand up so it will no longer embarrass the previous owners and that is all i said about them...then we talk about how london had been running off at the second barrel...when i first got london london ran up the fence at the second barrel at least i got london where london went around it for the most part, and how everything that was wrong with london was training issues, which by that i meant the rapid bit swaps and severe head armor put on london, maybe i should have said lack of horsemanship and skill on the riders part instead, i was just really pissed off at the time and wasnt thinking as clear as normal....i meant for the friend to go and tell them thats why i said it...london is working great and really honest and wants to work now...not forced but asked and wants to....i love london and dont think it was a bad deal the mare traded will be a good horse for them, she is more forgiving and kinder, and london fits me, high matience and gorgeous, and worthless by this of course i mean london doesnt have worth because london isnt for sale...even on the bad days, i still rub and pet on london
so it wasnt me who ran my mouth, i am far above that...i merely ended a false friendship, differently than most would have....i have friends great friends and dont need friendships base on lies
i just wish things would have worked out better and both parties could have been proud of the new owners strides with their new horses, but no to try and make themselves feel better one party had ruin what could have been a good association...it was turned to mocking and bad mouthing....
no more using peoples services because i think they need the money, no more
and why in the hell are some people so stupid that you must talk to them like they are in kindergarten....they just dont get the point...
i do things with purpose if you find something out its because i wanted you to, and dont be so naive to think that who you heard it from wasnt joining on running you down, grow up
okay heres the story...
i always wanted this horse lets call it london....before, during and after being trained by 'bob the barrel horse trainer'....london works good during its training, but then gets sore and the owners do nothing. london still tries to work and is sent home to the owners, WORKING, the owners cant ride london, so they take the horse to an other trainer, this trainer tells them that london works great and that they must learn to ride london....the owners try various contraptions on london because force always makes up for balance, timing, ability and horsemanship, when it comes to riding, hold on im shitting out some more B.S. they have joints injected that dont need it...londons joints are great...i have xrays from that say so....london also has bad dental problems on top of everything else because her teeth were not taken care of at all....london quits working....not because it hurt, but because there was no bond built on horsemanship, love and time spent being a team. london had no reason to try and no help to become solid....so finally after the horse is put thur all this i get london, fully aware of what london is, where london came from and why london is like london is....i didnt care what london was then, i knew once we got everything fixed and i had time to bond with london, london who come back to the real world....i got london, london was under weight probably from the bad teeth, and a complete nervous wreck...mind you london set back all the time, so that didnt help with being sore, london rarely sets back now, and when it happens, london isnt tied up...while im am spending boxes of cash on london trying to fix the problems that were created by the previous owners, i keep hearing all this bad stuff they are saying about me and how im riding her and that they got screwed on the trade.....frankly the london was worth about 3500 or less at the time of the trade i traded them a mare i had listed for 7500 and a 5yo, my uncle threw a fit saying the 5yo was his...so it ended up being just the mare...which at the time was worth far more than london...the previous owners agreed fully to this....so after getting things fixed london isnt really any better so we decided london needs a vacation...during the last barrel race before the vacation, i hear from one of my very good friends that the previous owner had said well i used to run london in an o-ring...horse shit on that one, maybe with a tie down way to tight and some torture rope run thru the rings...any aids that were used on london with the previous owners where never adjust correctly...again with the force thing, works wonders....and we also were told that the previous owners said i better start doing something with london because london was wearing their brand....i decide after much debate over it not say anything, unless i heard something else, well low and behold im at a barrel race myself and i get not one but two calls about the previous owners running their traps again i wasnt told where or when but what was say was the same thing id been hearing for months...and along comes one of the previous owners friend so i tell her when she ask about london she is worthless and that im fixing to cover the brand up so it will no longer embarrass the previous owners and that is all i said about them...then we talk about how london had been running off at the second barrel...when i first got london london ran up the fence at the second barrel at least i got london where london went around it for the most part, and how everything that was wrong with london was training issues, which by that i meant the rapid bit swaps and severe head armor put on london, maybe i should have said lack of horsemanship and skill on the riders part instead, i was just really pissed off at the time and wasnt thinking as clear as normal....i meant for the friend to go and tell them thats why i said it...london is working great and really honest and wants to work now...not forced but asked and wants to....i love london and dont think it was a bad deal the mare traded will be a good horse for them, she is more forgiving and kinder, and london fits me, high matience and gorgeous, and worthless by this of course i mean london doesnt have worth because london isnt for sale...even on the bad days, i still rub and pet on london
so it wasnt me who ran my mouth, i am far above that...i merely ended a false friendship, differently than most would have....i have friends great friends and dont need friendships base on lies
i just wish things would have worked out better and both parties could have been proud of the new owners strides with their new horses, but no to try and make themselves feel better one party had ruin what could have been a good association...it was turned to mocking and bad mouthing....
people worth talking bad about...
heres the thing if you're going to bad mouth someone
1 it needs to be someone who people know or its just complaining...
2 you have to say it to people who dont like the person or dont know them, the latter making it complaining again...
3 you should full be ready to reap what you sow...(its a small world, so make sure who you bad mouth isnt a giant)
it always turns out bad, hence the reason why i dont talk about people
(i will add to this when it all settles in my head)
1 it needs to be someone who people know or its just complaining...
2 you have to say it to people who dont like the person or dont know them, the latter making it complaining again...
3 you should full be ready to reap what you sow...(its a small world, so make sure who you bad mouth isnt a giant)
it always turns out bad, hence the reason why i dont talk about people
(i will add to this when it all settles in my head)
Thursday, July 31, 2008
update...i have internet again
I change the ferrets name to petunia...
she has found her nesting place, in brandons dresser 3rd drawer up where my winter stuff and gloves are...that is her little house she moved out the stuff she didnt like...anytime she isnt chasing one of us around thats where she is...just pull it out and a little head will pop out.
she has taken over our bathroom, she has her feed and water, a little house and her litter box, which she uses every other time.
armani is pretty much halter broke, he acts good as long as he has a halter on take it off and he is a total ass.
we went and got bo today, robins horse he will stay with us while she is in Germany.
paris worked her ass off today. i also started her on poles this week
popi is a crack head all he does is get all fired up over nothing and want to go fast, he likes to go fast, he still works. strange i know. i just walked him today and tried to trot but that lead to loping which leads to run off and turn something. anything it doesnt matter pole, barrel, stewie
camo could be the laziest horse ever he just stops all the time and not in a good way but im afraid to kick him because he will buck im certain of it
stupid fucking little minis are taking up a whole stall that a real horse could be in, they are so getting turned out tomorrow.
doodles lets me brush and pet her every where now except the bottom of her belly and brush her tail out too. she had this huge knot in it when i got her but she would kick your head off if you touch her tail not any more. she is so cute and getting really tall and wide.
dylan is getting halter broke this week. he is gorgeous. and he really will kick your head off no lie. hopefully that will go away soon.
the barn is almost done just the roof. and front and back of one stall. then well do the inside stalls the same as the outside ones.
kisses, hugs and boston are getting really big, we got kisses fix she is an ox now. boston is next to loses his nuts. he is my fav cat. then kisses but all one ever sees of kisses is a flash of black. hugs is bipolar really quiet but will attack you if you mess with her food. i dont know about her.
bloomer gains about 10 lbs a month he is 14 weeks old now and he wgts alot more than 25 i would say. he loves boston they are best friends. he knows how to sit, shake and beg, next is lay
i got a new trailer it is a 4h trails west sierra with a 5 ft short wall i measure it when we got home, just the shell right now but blw will put fix it up with a little shower and stuff so he can hang out during the br.
shuttle is really good... she walks i would say 98% normal. she still wants to favor it if she stays in a stall, that could be that she bucks when she is in there. she has a little turn out with a round bale she is going to be really fat.
okay jen i am sleepy. good nite
she has found her nesting place, in brandons dresser 3rd drawer up where my winter stuff and gloves are...that is her little house she moved out the stuff she didnt like...anytime she isnt chasing one of us around thats where she is...just pull it out and a little head will pop out.
she has taken over our bathroom, she has her feed and water, a little house and her litter box, which she uses every other time.
armani is pretty much halter broke, he acts good as long as he has a halter on take it off and he is a total ass.
we went and got bo today, robins horse he will stay with us while she is in Germany.
paris worked her ass off today. i also started her on poles this week
popi is a crack head all he does is get all fired up over nothing and want to go fast, he likes to go fast, he still works. strange i know. i just walked him today and tried to trot but that lead to loping which leads to run off and turn something. anything it doesnt matter pole, barrel, stewie
camo could be the laziest horse ever he just stops all the time and not in a good way but im afraid to kick him because he will buck im certain of it
stupid fucking little minis are taking up a whole stall that a real horse could be in, they are so getting turned out tomorrow.
doodles lets me brush and pet her every where now except the bottom of her belly and brush her tail out too. she had this huge knot in it when i got her but she would kick your head off if you touch her tail not any more. she is so cute and getting really tall and wide.
dylan is getting halter broke this week. he is gorgeous. and he really will kick your head off no lie. hopefully that will go away soon.
the barn is almost done just the roof. and front and back of one stall. then well do the inside stalls the same as the outside ones.
kisses, hugs and boston are getting really big, we got kisses fix she is an ox now. boston is next to loses his nuts. he is my fav cat. then kisses but all one ever sees of kisses is a flash of black. hugs is bipolar really quiet but will attack you if you mess with her food. i dont know about her.
bloomer gains about 10 lbs a month he is 14 weeks old now and he wgts alot more than 25 i would say. he loves boston they are best friends. he knows how to sit, shake and beg, next is lay
i got a new trailer it is a 4h trails west sierra with a 5 ft short wall i measure it when we got home, just the shell right now but blw will put fix it up with a little shower and stuff so he can hang out during the br.
shuttle is really good... she walks i would say 98% normal. she still wants to favor it if she stays in a stall, that could be that she bucks when she is in there. she has a little turn out with a round bale she is going to be really fat.
okay jen i am sleepy. good nite
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